Growth Happens in the Messy Middle
When we think about spiritual growth, we often picture serene moments, sitting quietly in meditation, stretching gracefully on a yoga mat, or walking alone in nature. These moments are valuable, they help us find balance and reflection. But the truth is, the most important growth doesn’t happen in the calm. It happens when we’re knee-deep in life’s chaos: in the middle of an argument, while battling frustration, or when fear grips us and we’re tempted to respond in the same old way.
Real growth happens when you pause, recognise your patterns, and make the courageous choice to do something different.
The Myth of the “Perfect Growth Moment”
Brené Brown often talks about the importance of vulnerability. It’s not found in neatly curated Instagram moments; it’s found in the messiness of life. Growth isn’t reserved for mountaintops or meditation cushions, it’s forged in conflict. When you’re angry, scared, or exhausted, and your default reaction threatens to take over… that’s where the work begins.
Life’s chaos is unavoidable! The question is, will you rise to meet it, or will you let it define you? You’re not meant to live in a perfect bubble, untouched by struggle. Instead, you’re called to bring order to your own chaos. Growth doesn’t happen because everything is calm; it happens when you confront what’s uncomfortable.
Recognising the Choice
Let’s be honest, most of us are creatures of habit. When we’re triggered, we go into autopilot, repeating the same behaviours that have tripped us up before. But here’s the thing, in every moment of frustration, anger, or fear, there’s a window of opportunity.
This is where the real work begins!
You can pause. You can breathe. You can ask yourself, “What am I about to do, and is it working for me?” Maybe you’ve always responded to criticism by lashing out, withdrawing, or over-explaining. But in that pause, you might notice you have a choice. You can try something new.
The Messy Path to Growth
Making a different choice isn’t easy. Growth requires courage, and courage isn’t comfortable. It’s about sitting with the discomfort of breaking old patterns. It’s acknowledging the fear that comes with stepping into the unknown and showing up anyway.
This choice is not just an emotional one, it’s an act of responsibility. It’s about taking ownership of your reactions and the impact they have on you and those around you. Growth doesn’t come from blaming the world or other people. It comes from standing up, looking inward, and taking charge of what you can control.
Tools for Breaking the Cycle
Pause Before Reacting
When emotions flare, practice a simple pause. Take a deep breath and remind yourself: “I don’t have to respond immediately.” That pause is where choice lives.
Name the Pattern
Identify the habit or reaction that isn’t serving you. Naming it helps you recognise it the next time it shows up.
Choose a Small Step
Change doesn’t happen in giant leaps. It happens when you make a small, intentional choice to act differently.
Be Kind to Yourself
Breaking old patterns is messy work. You’ll stumble. But every time you try, you’re building a new foundation for growth.
The Courage to Grow
The real moments of spiritual growth don’t look graceful. They look like messy arguments, tense meetings, or overwhelming fear. They hold power because they give you the chance to choose.
Leaning into these moments isn’t about perfection, it’s about showing up, it’s about shouldering the responsibility of creating a better self and, by extension, a better world.
So the next time you find yourself frustrated, angry, or afraid, remember, this is your moment. Growth isn’t out there, waiting for the perfect conditions. It’s right here, in the messy middle. What will you choose?