Red Shoes and Real You: Finding Authenticity in a World of Comparison

In a world dominated by social media and endless comparisons, it's easy to lose touch with who we really are. Between filtered photos, curated feeds, and constant reminders of what we “should” be, knowing who you truly are can feel more like a riddle than a reality. But what if the key to finding yourself is simply eliminating who you’re not?

Want to be more authentic? Be more you.

That sounds simple enough, but knowing who you are is no small feat. It can be a lot easier to start with who you aren’t. The process of figuring out what doesn’t fit, what doesn’t feel right, and what doesn’t align is the first step in building a life that truly reflects you.

The Red Kickers

For me, a moment of authenticity came in the form of a pair of red Kickers shoes—not in childhood, but much later, actually during my military career.

Military life is built on uniformity, both literally and figuratively. There’s a strong sense of shared identity and belonging, which I valued deeply. But I also knew there were parts of me that didn’t quite fit the mould. The red Kickers were one of those parts.

I remember the mixed reactions when I wore them. Some people loved them; others didn’t get it at all. But for me, those shoes weren’t just a style choice, they were a reflection of something personal. They were bold, a bit unconventional, and unapologetically me.

Wearing them was a small act of defiance against the pressure to blend in completely, a reminder that even within a collective identity, I could still honour my individuality.

Belonging and Being Different

This wasn’t the only time I felt a tension between belonging and standing out during my military career. While I valued the camaraderie and shared mission, there were moments when I felt out of sync, whether it was my perspective on a situation, my approach to challenges, or even my taste in music and hobbies.

At times, I questioned whether I should try harder to conform, to suppress those parts of me that didn’t seem to fit. But ultimately, I learned that embracing those differences made me stronger. They helped me connect with people in unique ways and bring fresh ideas to the table.

Discovering the Real You

Authenticity isn’t about rebelling for rebellion’s sake. It’s not about being different to stand out or rejecting everything mainstream. It’s about understanding who you are and having the courage to honour that, even when it doesn’t align with others’ expectations.

There’s power in eliminating what doesn’t feel right, in cutting away the habits, people, and choices that don’t serve your true self. It’s a process of subtraction, not addition. What’s left when you let go of all the things you aren’t? You.

How Therapy Helps

This journey to authenticity is one I see in my psychotherapy work all the time. People come in searching for answers about why they feel stuck, unhappy, or unfulfilled. Often, the root of their struggle isn’t a lack of success or ability, it’s a disconnect from themselves.

Therapy provides the space to explore who you are, free from criticism. It’s a process of peeling back the layers, questioning what’s been imposed by the outside world, and discovering the truth of what’s inside.

Whether it’s embracing a love for red shoes, owning an unconventional approach to life, or learning to stand by your values in a world that pulls you in every direction, therapy can help you uncover and celebrate the real you.

Your Call to Action

So, what’s your version of the red shoes? What makes you you?

This week, take some time to think about what feels right to you, whether it’s your style, your values, or your goals. Notice where you’re conforming to fit in and ask yourself if that’s what you really want.

If you’re ready to dig deeper and discover what it means to truly be yourself, therapy could be the first step. Together, we can explore the fears, barriers, and expectations that are holding you back and help you move toward a life that feels genuinely yours.