Be Your Own Witness: Balancing Integrity and External Validation
It’s easy to get caught in the trap of seeking outside approval. Praise, recognition, and validation can feel like tangible proof that we’re on the right path. But what happens when this pursuit of external validation starts to erode something deeper… our integrity?
Integrity is your inner compass, the alignment between your actions and your values. When you rely too heavily on others to affirm your worth or decisions, you risk compromising this alignment. The danger lies not in seeking validation itself, but in letting it overshadow your ability to witness your own journey and honour your personal truth.
The Role of External Validation
Let’s be clear, external validation isn’t inherently bad. Humans are wired for connection. Feeling accepted and valued by others is part of what makes us thrive. It can strengthen attachments, foster collaboration, and even encourage personal growth. A mentor’s acknowledgment or a loved one’s support can serve as powerful motivators, helping us see our potential or stay the course during tough times.
The problem arises when external validation becomes your sole measure of worth. When your decisions, identity, or self-respect hinge on someone else’s approval, you hand over control of your inner life. Over time, this can lead to a disconnect between who you are and who you’re trying to be for others.
The Power of Being Your Own Witness
Instead of constantly looking outward, what if you turned inward? Being your own witness means holding yourself accountable, measuring your actions against your own values, and finding satisfaction in living authentically. It’s about cultivating a quiet confidence that says, “I see myself. I know who I am. That’s enough.”
This doesn’t mean shutting yourself off from the world or dismissing others’ opinions. Rather, it’s about striking a balance, valuing external input without allowing it to override your internal compass.
How to Reclaim Your Integrity
Know Your Values
To honour your integrity, you need to know what you stand for. Spend time reflecting on your core values. Write them down. Let them guide your decisions, even when external approval is tempting.
Pause and Reflect
When you catch yourself seeking outside validation, pause. Ask yourself:
Why am I looking for this?
Does this align with my values, or am I acting out of fear, insecurity, or habit?
Celebrate Small Wins Privately
Practice finding joy in your accomplishments without needing to broadcast them. It’s a quiet act of self-respect to say, “I did this for me.”
Seek Balanced Feedback
External validation can be constructive when sought intentionally. Look for feedback from those who understand and respect your values, not just those who will give you the answer you want to hear.
Foster Secure Attachments
Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and authenticity. When you prioritise integrity, you’re more likely to form connections that are genuine and supportive.
Practice Self-Compassion
Be kind to yourself as you navigate this balance. No one gets it right all the time. Integrity isn’t about perfection, it’s about effort and awareness.
When Approval and Integrity Work Together
External validation and integrity don’t have to be at odds. Validation can reinforce your integrity when it comes from sources aligned with your values and aspirations. A trusted mentor affirming your growth or a close friend acknowledging your courage can be profoundly affirming.
The key is to ensure that external validation supplements your self-worth, it doesn’t define it.
The Takeaway
Seeking approval isn’t inherently wrong, but it’s a slippery slope when it comes at the cost of your integrity. Be your own witness first. Let your values and actions align in a way that feels right to you. When you do, external validation becomes a bonus, not the foundation.
Remember, you’re the only one who can fully know your journey. Honour it by showing up authentically, not for the applause, but because it’s who you are.