Unmasking ADHD: Understanding the Role of Masks After a Late Diagnosis
If you’ve recently been diagnosed with ADHD as an adult, it might feel like a seismic shift, validating, unsettling, and enlightening all at once. One revelation that often accompanies a late diagnosis is the extent to which masking has shaped your life. Masking, adapting or concealing parts of yourself to fit societal norms, has likely played a key role in navigating the world. These masks served you in the past and, in some contexts, may continue to do so.
This journey isn’t about abandoning the masks completely or exposing every part of yourself to the world. Instead, it’s about understanding these adaptations, unmasking to yourself, and choosing when, where, and how to embrace your authentic self.
The Emotional Toll of Masking
Masking ADHD traits often requires immense effort. It might mean rehearsing conversations to avoid forgetting key details, suppressing fidgeting to appear calm, or working extra hard to hide disorganisation. These strategies, while helpful at times, can lead to:
Exhaustion: Constantly monitoring yourself drains emotional and mental energy.
Low self-esteem: Feeling you must hide parts of yourself reinforces the idea that those parts are "unacceptable."
Burnout: The pressure to perform without showing struggles can erode resilience over time.
It’s also essential to acknowledge that masking has often been a survival mechanism, allowing you to meet expectations and navigate environments that felt unwelcoming or overwhelming.
Reflecting on Your Masks
Unmasking doesn’t mean throwing away all your adaptations. Instead, it involves understanding your patterns of masking and deciding which ones still serve you. For instance:
Are there contexts where masking helps you feel safe or function effectively?
Are there situations where masking has kept you from authentic connections or opportunities?
This reflection can help you find balance, retaining the masks that support you while releasing those that no longer align with your values or goals.
Steps Toward Embracing Your ADHD Identity
Honour the Purpose of Your Masks
Recognise that your masks have likely played a protective role. Approaching them with gratitude rather than frustration can help you move forward compassionately.
Explore Your Authentic Self
A late diagnosis offers a chance to understand and reconnect with your unique traits, both your strengths and your quirks. What parts of yourself have you been hiding?
Challenge Internalised Shame
If you’ve believed that your ADHD traits are flaws, it’s time to question that narrative. Neurodiversity brings value, creativity, and resilience to the world.
Set Boundaries and Choose Contexts
Complete unmasking isn’t practical or necessary in every setting. Decide when and where you feel safe to lower the mask and share more of your true self.
Seek Support
Therapy can provide a non-judgmental space to explore your ADHD identity and process feelings of shame or inadequacy. Connecting with others who have ADHD can also be validating and empowering.
Celebrate Your Strengths
ADHD often comes with remarkable abilities, quick thinking, creativity, and the ability to thrive under pressure. Recognising these strengths helps build self-esteem.
Moving Forward with Confidence
Unmasking, at its core, is about choice. Choosing to understand yourself, deciding what adaptations you need, and embracing your ADHD identity in ways that feel authentic and empowering. It’s not about exposing everything to the world but about finding spaces where you can be yourself without judgment.
Remember, you are not alone. Many adults with ADHD have navigated this path, and a supportive community awaits you. By honouring your masks and unmasking thoughtfully, you can create a life that balances authenticity with practicality.
If you're navigating the complexities of a new ADHD diagnosis, psychotherapy can offer a supportive space to help you understand yourself more deeply, challenge limiting beliefs, and build a life that feels authentic and fulfilling. Reach out today to explore how therapy can guide you on this transformative journey.